Trouble

I thought that getting off of the shit was going to make things better? I mean the we got to a point to where we didn’t have the money to get the tags for my Jeep, so I had to drive a few times with my dead inspection tags. Other things had happened to complicate the process of putting my Jeep on the road. The check engine light came on once K had got the money to get it inspected. So, K put it in the shop, then the mechanic tells us that we need to replace the front axle, if we expect it to pass inspection. So, K had to get that money together, too. Mean while this is taking all the time we had until the tags expired, a whole two months and we have rent, electric, phone bills, etc. So, it was like juggling act.

We are both frustrated with it at this point and the stress is getting to us. K makes the money and works a lot of hours to provide for us and the problem we were having. I have to be at a program every morning to my maintenance medicine so that I can make it through the day without anxiety and going into withdrawals. This morning was only the second day that I had asked k to get up at 8-9 am and take me to my program in his car that has good tags and insurance but is a manual, which I can’t drive. He gave me so much unbelievable bullshit this morning about having to wake up, lose sleep, to drive me 10 minutes away, for me to run in and be back out in 3 minutes. Then on the way back I needed him to drop me off at Kathy’s house so that I could clean for her and make a quick $100.

What I am getting at is, I don’t want to drive the truck with the tags like that and the truck get impounded because how much more will that cost? I don’t want to drive any vehicle when leaving my program  for now because I am not used to the medicine, yet. I get really bad anxiety worrying about all the worst possible scenarios of hideous accidents I could end up in. And I hate cleaning that women’s house, nothing personal just I’d rather be cleaning my own but, I do it so that I can help out every little way that I can. I got on the program to get clean, to save us money, take that everyday stress off of our relationship, and for the health of our life and family.

He just gave me such a hard time about taking me this morning. It was just like “I have to do everything and I get no help” bitch fest. I dreaded the car ride, we could not get there and back fast enough, even though he was speeding and acting like he was so tired he couldn’t keep his eyes open. He was being so over dramatic about everything, he even stomped around the house, mumbling, and acting like a little girl that didn’t get her way. It’s bullshit, every night, he gets home from work, watches a little TV, and falls asleep around midnight. I am the one that is up late and really doesn’t get much sleep. It is almost like he stayed up late just so that he could act like an ass in the morning, knowing he wasn’t going to want to get up, so why not make a big deal out of it.

I truly feel like he thinks that I am the cause of all his problems and I get on his nerves but I don’t think he realizes how much he pushes me away when he does shit like this. I don’t want a guy who is going to act like a little baby every time he doesn’t get his way. I don’t want to deal with that bullshit every time I ask for a little bit of help because I bend over backwards to make his life easier. I just get pissed because it was all over the fact that this situation didn’t immediately benefit him. If he had gotten a call from the building he is trying to get, he would have got up with the birds, no matter how late he went to sleep.

OK, I’m done.

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