Dropped a ball

I have been juggling so much since my week and a half long sobriety. I have seriously put my recovery first, my son next, my health, my husband and home third, and school last.

When I had decided it was time to get sober, I only had a few assignments due in the last week of school. I just felt that getting sober was the most important and it has been. Even  though I have lost sleep, and wake up too soon every morning to get to my program. My tags on our Jeep are dead and my husband has a manual car, so he has had to take me in the morning and I catch so much shit about not just driving the Jeep. I have been feeling groggy from my medicine and put every bit of energy I can muster up to do the dishes, laundry, and look after our son, while he is at work. Most nights I have assignments due and I get to them last minute because they are last in line as far as priorities go. I had missed my last two classes because I was broke and going through withdrawals before I got into the program. So, this week I was supposed to meet up with my professor to make up some stuff to pass the class.

Yesterday, I got there and I didn’t see her, I did two laps around the lobby where we were supposed to meet after having a hard time finding a ride because even though my husband didn’t have work, I refused to ask for his help. He has a cell phone and I don’t because I am home all the time anyways, so I couldn’t call to find out where my professor was. I go home and there is my husband cussing me out because my professor is pissed that I didn’t meet her. She said we must have just missed each other. Ha.

So, I get a hold of her we agree to meet again today same spot. Okay, today I am so worried about making sure I can get a ride and be there on time that I just get there as fast as I can and was 5 minutes late, waited in the lobby for one hour, figured she was running late. I leave come back home and Deja vu, there is my husband cussing me out again. My professor had sent a message to his phone at 2pm wanting to confirm us meeting at 3. I thought that was what we did when we had spoken last night.

I do take responsibility, but I don’t need someone waiting at the door to cuss me out and tell me how all I do is F’ up. So, now I fail, and I really don’t care. I would rather fail school and be alive then, pass and OD tomorrow.

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One comment on “Dropped a ball

  1. I know that when I got off of drugs, I was an absolute zombie for about 3 weeks. I’m suprised to hear you are accomplishing so much during the days, your doing AWESOME! Most addicts can’t even brush their teeth because it requires so much energy. Once you get passed the “Zombie Phase” as I like to call it, your going to do really well. Good job

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