I have been juggling so much since my week and a half long sobriety. I have seriously put my recovery first, my son next, my health, my husband and home third, and school last.
When I had decided it was time to get sober, I only had a few assignments due in the last week of school. I just felt that getting sober was the most important and it has been. Even though I have lost sleep, and wake up too soon every morning to get to my program. My tags on our Jeep are dead and my husband has a manual car, so he has had to take me in the morning and I catch so much shit about not just driving the Jeep. I have been feeling groggy from my medicine and put every bit of energy I can muster up to do the dishes, laundry, and look after our son, while he is at work. Most nights I have assignments due and I get to them last minute because they are last in line as far as priorities go. I had missed my last two classes because I was broke and going through withdrawals before I got into the program. So, this week I was supposed to meet up with my professor to make up some stuff to pass the class.
Yesterday, I got there and I didn’t see her, I did two laps around the lobby where we were supposed to meet after having a hard time finding a ride because even though my husband didn’t have work, I refused to ask for his help. He has a cell phone and I don’t because I am home all the time anyways, so I couldn’t call to find out where my professor was. I go home and there is my husband cussing me out because my professor is pissed that I didn’t meet her. She said we must have just missed each other. Ha.
So, I get a hold of her we agree to meet again today same spot. Okay, today I am so worried about making sure I can get a ride and be there on time that I just get there as fast as I can and was 5 minutes late, waited in the lobby for one hour, figured she was running late. I leave come back home and Deja vu, there is my husband cussing me out again. My professor had sent a message to his phone at 2pm wanting to confirm us meeting at 3. I thought that was what we did when we had spoken last night.
I do take responsibility, but I don’t need someone waiting at the door to cuss me out and tell me how all I do is F’ up. So, now I fail, and I really don’t care. I would rather fail school and be alive then, pass and OD tomorrow.