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Totally awesome and random

Totally awesome and random

I accepted a friend request on facebook the other day and hesitated because I didn’t know who it was or how they would know me. This individual automatically showed up in my newsfeed with pictures of some pretty interesting ordeals. Then suddenly he posted a few pic’s of him and a friend. I just fell in love with this picture. I hope he doesn’t mind that I stole his photo, though I have not yet sent him the link to this.

So far, so good

Today feels much different than the majority of days I have had in a very long time. I actually jumped out of bed with enthusiasm, ready to start my day, and with a strong desire to keep up the momentum. The first thing I always do is go for the coffee, good or bad day. I then sprinted for my laptop with hopes of finding “likes” and “Comments” waiting so patiently for me on the pages of one of my few ongoing projects, Word press, GlamChest, and most importantly (only because that is where my close friends and family are) Facebook. In the mist of my splendor, I realized I hadn’t thought about my medicine (the one I am on for the maintenance program). It was so nice to finally wake up and not be worried about getting a fix, to get well, in an ignorant hope of having a good day. When realistically, I may feel better for an hour and the rest of the day is repeating the hunt, for a fix, like clockwork. In my drug addicted fog, when contemplating getting sober, I could never imagine recovery feeling this good. I would listen to other’s talk about how much better they were feeling about themselves, how great life is, and how happy they are to be clean. I didn’t think I would feel any kind of happiness being sober, let alone be content with everyday life. As time went by and life was beginning to get impossible to manage, I started considering sobriety except I wasn’t strong enough mentally to make a concrete decision. I ran into my old friend and she told me about the support that is available. Eventually, I noticed that the more I allowed myself to think about getting clean, the more it grew in my heart, and became more and more dire to me. Lying in my bed on many dark and lonely nights, I remember the guilt of my addiction weighing heavy on me. I would have convince myself just to say a short prayer, asking God to take this burden from me, asking Him to restore my heart and mind. During these times of feeling hopeless, I also couldn’t help but feel empty and thought of my prayers the same. Empty. I had been so tired of hoping for forgiveness because I could no longer feel forgiven in my heart. I would try to feel remorse, forcing tears from my eyes, and pushing my guilt through the knot in my throat. I had no release from the feeling of being damned, even though I knew the truth in my heart and mind, it’s like my spirit had become weak because of my spiritual absence and being turned away. That always makes it harder to turn back to where you were, you have to find your way back through faith. This is where my patience is going through a growth spurt.

Sober vs Recovery. Anyone can be Sober…

Sobriety Checkpoint

During an online AA style meeting last night, I had a revelation that was sparked by a member’s comment. There is, he said, a real difference between being sober and being in recovery.

People in the process of quitting alcohol or any addiction usually experience both phases. Now, to anyone who has been in sobriety longer than my 56 days (one day for each of my years on earth), I am sure this is not news. But for me, it was an epiphany. So for the uninitiated: anyone can be sober, an addict can stop for a bit (it may be a day or so, or even a few hours) and sober up and not be directly under the influence. But recovery is deeper. It is difficult, reflective, a life change and one must, I repeat must, address the underlying issues that caused the addiction in the first place. If…

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To everyone who has been so supportive of my blog, I would like to ask if you would be so kind as to visit my Facebook Page and “Like” my boutique page. I need just a few more “Likes” before I can use a particular feature on the page. I am very thankful to all those who stop by and support my business venture.

Love Hopie

https://www.facebook.com/HopeGlamchest

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My Boutique Flyer

My Boutique Flyer

This is my flyer for my online boutique. I have been spending 3-4 hours a day perfecting my page, advertising, and trying to gain some attention.
I have chosen so many great and affordable pieces of jewelry, bracelets, necklaces, rings, earrings, hair accessories. So whether your shopping for a wedding, a birthday, your girlfriend, sister, wife, daughter, mom, or best friend, you will find a great collection at my boutique. Or just spread the word for me. Thank you for all the love and support.
-Hope

Lost in my thoughts in this widely open mind of mine

,I need more than to merely just change,

Breaking this cycle of the same mistakes,

My hopes and fears are a guide for to be honest with my self,

Gaining peace, sleep, serenity, experiencing strength, hope, compassion

Say kind words, write a nice note, take the time to show that I care,

Growing out of the radical overnight frenzy,

Consistent effort everyday; each a new challenge,

I will not feel right if I don’t right my wrongs,

Finding a desperate yearning was possessing my attention,

Working destruction, pain, fool, difficult, survived,

Accepting those imperfections, all the excuses and denial,

Pretending, refusing, lying, justifying and choosing not to care,

I find these thoughts misguide my widely accepting mind of mine.

                                                              -By Hope Ess

(I am so shocked that came out of me, it took me 3 days to perfect it to my liking, and I am just ecstatic to share with you.)

 

“Thought’s” Written on Tumblr 12/13/2012

 

She wonders how long it will take to figure out who she is. Having learned a lot about the world and people, She has a desire to know herself. Craving it and fearing it. Fear of the change is what holds her back and fear of failure. Not so much failing herself but those who love her. She knows that she is strong enough to fall and get back up, but is everybody else willing continue to love her? Desiring to try and fail at many different ventures is intriguing to her. Spending so much time worrying about everyone and everything else, there is no spiritual connection within her. She has never known how to love her self and doubts her capacity to love back. Shes loves, just not with all her heart. She desires the power of love. Will she every know it’s true depth? The severity in which she needs it? 

 

But how does she go about developing this? What is it that she needs to learn about herself that can change this? How can she be her own definition of successful and happy? 

 

She is so afraid of the world. She has seen evil and how it makes people suffer. Physically, spiritually and emotionally. She has felt it’s gripping force that will freeze your very being in fear. She knows in her heart that love is stronger but can not imagine it’s true intensity. Knowing where not to find it, she continues on her search. 

(P.S. I wrote this in December on Tumblr. I never got any traffic or followers through Tumblr no matter what I did. I am now reposting my Tumblr post here instead.)